The Goodness of a Loving God
“I love you Lord, for your mercy never fails me. All my days I’ve been held in your hand. From the moment that I wake up until I lay my head, I will sing of the goodness of God.”
These lyrics resonate with me deeply. I love to sing it and listen to it; it will always bring me back to the heart of Jesus. For me, life has always been far from simple. We all have our battles, some we have won, and others we have yet to defeat. For myself, life has always been a constant struggle of fear, acceptance, and shame. From a very early age, I had to deal with the shame of molestation that always seemed to haunt me. In 2018, we lost our family home to a fire and were deemed homeless, so I feared loss. I was told by a teacher of mine back in grade school that I would never amount to anything in life, and out of all things that I had to face, that broke me. Could it be true? Was she able to see the damage, the guilt, and the shame that I was trying so hard to cover up? But I longed to be accepted and hid behind my smile so that everyone would know that I had potential. But when do I stop? When do I stop pretending that I have it all together? When do I stop smiling when I really want to cry? When do I stop being the “strong one”, and allow others to see my flaws? When will I stop pretending to be perfect?
What I didn’t know then that I now know is the patience, love, faithfulness, and here it comes… the “goodness” that God had already granted me. Regardless of the difficulties life had thrown at me, and the lies that the enemy would feed me, what had remained true was that God was Good. Once I accepted that truth, I found freedom. I found freedom from the fear, shame, and desire to be accepted that once had me in a chokehold. I was in awe when I realized the hand of God moving despite all those circumstances. He never once left me forsaken. Even when I would turn my back from him (and I did multiple times), he was always tugging at my heart and calling me to him. He refused to let me go and his love for me has no limits. This love was unconditional and surely surpassed my understanding. I even questioned who I was to be loved and cared for like this. This love was all mine, and I didn’t have to prove a thing for it. I was lost in it and honestly, I didn’t want him to let go. I found purpose, joy, and freedom.
How could I give that up? I’m learning to dance through the crying because Jesus is constantly reminding me that I have all that I need in him. My God has the power to turn any difficult circumstance around and work them for my good, and for others. I found a friend in Jesus who teaches me how to navigate the difficulties of life. He surrounds me with community, he gives me purpose, and he feeds my soul. He has blessed me with the Holy Spirit who has given me wisdom and discernment. I’m learning that I cannot do life without Jesus, and he has literally given me the “cheat code” to life.
He said in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” God does not promise that life will be easy, but he does promise to be there with us through it all. He also promises that his grace will always be more than enough for us. I cannot give him up, how can I when he is my anchor, my fortress, my everything?
“All my life, you have been faithful and all my life you have been so, so good. With every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God.”
I don’t know where you find yourself. Are you struggling to navigate life? Are you in constant fear, shame, or guilt? Do you desire acceptance? Remember that fear does not come from God and that you are already accepted by God. You don’t need any form of I.D to prove it and God’s grace is sufficient. It will always be enough for you. Press in and trust that God is GOOD. He won’t let you go.
About the Author
Graceline Jean-Baptiste
College student who faithfully serves at our River Young Adults Ministry